Reality Check

My sister recently announced that she is newly pregnant. Being hip deep in the throws of new motherhood myself, my reaction was a mix of excitement, shock and empathy. I remember the thrill of that positive pregnancy test. I also remember the anxiety that went along with it and continued throughout my pregnancy and into many current moments of caring for my son. I've noticed a similar reaction when I see a pregnant couple who appears to be diving into parenthood for the first time- boy are you in for the surprise of your lives! I remember when we were in that space of anticipation- dreamily awaiting the arrival of a new baby and all of the joy he or she would bring, existing in a constant state of denial of all of the "horror" stories we heard from veteran parents. "Your life is over as you know it" or "You will never have a good night's sleep again". Not to mention the explosive effect babies have on your relationship. Come on, babies bring you closer together, right? No, none of this would happen to us. We were prepared for a baby, committed to each other- in a much better place to start a family than all of these other people before us. Fast forward to nine months post partum and a whole new perspective is born. Pun intended. Now when I hear of a new birth my first thought is how is mom doing. A friend is pregnant and my advice is throw out all your expectations- it will be nothing like you think. The good times are great and the bad times are worse. But she of course looks at me like the tired, stressed out new mom I am and tells herself it won't be like that for her. But it will be, and she will be a better woman(as well as mother and partner)for it. At least that is what I tell myself in the midst of a breaking point. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. And nothing will challenge your very existence like becoming a mother.