I don't usually get all sentimental about Valentine's Day but I am feeling a renewed connection to my other (sometimes better) half. Our recent loss provided us with an unexpected benefit- we found ourselves united in a way that was raw and honest and genuine and we experienced something together that reminded us of who we are as a couple, not as parents. Grief is a funny thing. I also recognized that this (this meaning parenting, relating, EXISTING) is not a combat zone which I seemed to have created in my own mind. Maybe it is the perceived shift in the balance of power or maybe it is my own feelings of inadequacies, but I've had this idea that it is me against him and he will never understand what it is like caring for our son on a daily basis or the sacrifices I have to make in the process. In that process I've managed to negate his experience in the shift that is parenthood and dishonored the losses and sacrifices he has made, one being his wife pre-motherhood. I cannot deny I am not the me of before baby and all of the complexities that exist within that transformation, but this new life would be a lot more harmonious if we related as partners instead of adversaries. Believe me, it takes a united front to overcome the daily struggles of toddlerdom.
So here's a Valentines Day toast to my wonderful husband, my son's incredible father. We are lucky to have you. And vice versa!
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